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Published on February 4th, 2013 | by Brian Moreno

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Last Week’s News And Happenings

The week in news – Jan 28th

• On Monday the news reported Iran launched a monkey 72 miles into space. Apparently when the monkey got back it was pissed. I think this is very exciting news because I have never before heard the press accurately describe a male Iranian.

• The Boy Scouts of America announced they are considering dropping the ban on gay Troup masters. In a later statement from prison Jerry Sandusky said, “Yeah, I don’t know if that is such a good idea.”

• Wednesday night RuPaul’s new show on an obscure network drew more viewers than Peirce Morgan on CNN – In order to retain the lost viewers Pierce Morgan has just hired Chaz Bono to do his hair, nails and makeup.

• Travel + Leisure magazine named Portland, OR the most hipster city in the United States. Coincidently Super Cuts announced that it planned to open Mustache Only salons in the greater Portland area. Also in music news every single band you have never heard of announced they will be preforming in Portland this calendar year.

• Here in Los Angeles, Cardinal Roger Mahony has been relieved of his duties due to his mishandling of sex abuse scandals. As he is referred to now, Priest Mahony has been firing back at his critics through his personal blog. I know what most of you are thinking, if this Priest is savvy enough to have a blog then someone should have the responsibility of regularly checking his browser history.

• This week Dr. Phil interviewed the man responsible for the hoax of Manti Te’o’s fake girlfriend. The Notre Dame linebacker seemingly had a fake girlfriend who died of fake leukemia. Apparently no one has yet explained to Manti that is still better than having a real girlfriend with a real case of herpes.

• Ray Lewis, the Baltimore Raven’s retiring linebacker, has been implicated in a steroid investigation by Sports Illustrated – On Thursday, in a press conference Ray Lewis said, “This story is the work of the devil”. – In response; SI reported that they could not find any connection to the Devil, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or even Santa Clause.

• On Sunday the Baltimore Ravens beat the San Francisco 49ers 34-31 in this year’s Super Bowl. However everything did not go as expected, shortly after halftime there was a major power outage at the stadium and nearly all the people in the Super Dome were left in the dark. It is a good thing they were able to fix the problem in under 40 minutes because the National Guard called on Monday morning to let New Orleans know they would be able to assist within two weeks.

Tags: this week

About the Author

Brian Moreno is a writer, comedian and actor in LA. Brian has appeared on the shows “Antique Roadshow” and '”Deadliest Catch - Lake Michigan Edition”.

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