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News To Make You Smarter And Laugh Harder!
Another week….more craziness….
- Italy’s highest criminal court ordered new trial for Amanda Knox, overturning her acquittal in the gruesome slaying of her British roommate. Amanda, who is currently developing a film about the experience, responded by saying, “This is what I get for loving to reenact the Revolutionary War!”
- In Bulgaria thousands of Gypsies flock to a bridal fair as parents negotiate the sale of their daughter’s hand in marriage. The cost of a bride — between $3,000 to $6,600 usd. A price most Americans would consider steep considering you are purchasing a woman with almost no dental work and ONLY cooks goat.
- Justin Beiber and one of his male neighbors got into a verbal altercation just after 9 AM Tuesday, when Calabasas police arrived they explained to Beiber’s neighbor that this sounded more like a case for the battered women’s shelter.
- Lady Gaga has been recovering ever since undergoing hip surgery a few weeks ago. She has been spotted cruising around in a 24-karat gold plated wheelchair and most recently a Louis Vuitton wheelchair that was made to disguise the fact that she looks just like Marlyin Manson… after a sex change.
- Kim, Kourtney, Khloe and Rob Jr. are suing Ellen Pearson — who was married to Robert Kardashian – they claim Robert had a diary that contained very personal details about the K-klan and she has been selling tidbits to tabloids. Apparently the diary does not contain any weight loss secrets.
- Possible E. coli contamination has prompted a recall to include about 3 million pounds of frozen pizza…. which is exactly what you deserve for food shopping at Wal-Mart.
- President Obama late Thursday night called Kamala Harris, the California attorney general, and apologized to her for telling a group of wealthy donors that she is the “best-looking attorney general in the country.” But unless you are into wrinkly old men… that is like exactly like saying she is the prettiest female bathroom attendant at Gold’s Gym.
- Jay Leno is set to receive $15 million to exit his NBC contract early. “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” will start in February 2014 to take advantage of the advertising opportunities that will come with the Winter Olympics. Oddly enough, $15Mil sound like a bargain to make Leno go away compared to paying $3k for a goat herding, no dental work having wife.
About the Author
Brian Moreno is a writer, comedian and actor in LA. Brian has appeared on the shows “Antique Roadshow” and '”Deadliest Catch - Lake Michigan Edition”.
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