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Published on March 7th, 2013 | by Brian Moreno0
This Week In News: Ladies Edition
- Tina Fey and Amy Poehler apparently upset Taylor Swift by their joke at the Golden Globes. In the April issue of Vanity Fair Swift opened up about the Golden Globes moment saying, “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” …. “It is called the VIP section” said the Devil.
- Chamique Holdsclaw, of the WNBA, is facing 65 years in prison for attacking her ex-girlfriend with a baseball bat and then fired a gun at her vehicle while Holdsclaws’s exGF sat in the driver’s seat crying and saying, “Bitch, you are right….the WNBA should be longer and better televised!!”
- Lauren Silberman another female “athlete”, made two kickoffs totaling a minuscule 30 yards, for her NFL tryout. She said she initially suffered an aggravated quadriceps injury training last week. This left most wondering whether the entire thing was a promotional sham for her WNBA defense attorney business.
- On Wednesday Arkansas lawmakers gave the state the most restrictive abortion law in the country. Which is maddening, because it is not the function of the law to enforce morality…especially in a state where cousins and 14 year olds still get married.
- A secret chamber, hidden for 400 years and with links to early freemasonry (or Harry Potter), has been discovered the Canons Ashby House, located in a small village in England. This is dated to be 170 years older than previous Freemason’s documentation. Others speculate this room was the previous homeowners only escape from his wife.
- Mega mosquitoes, known as gallinippers, are set to invade Florida this summer due to flood waters from tropical storms this hurricane season. Entomologists at the University of Florida say the mosquitoes are 20 times the size of a typical mosquito, roughly the same size and as maddening as a retired Jewish mother in the Boca Raton area.
- After Dennis Rodman’s trip to N Korea, Col. Steve Ganyard, former deputy assistant secretary of state said, “There is nobody at the CIA who can tell you more personally about Kim Jong Un than Dennis Rodman, and that in itself is scary.” He later clarified that it is scary because, “The US government has a hard time trusting a gay, cross dressing, drug user who mumbles, unless it is an elected official.”