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Published on February 21st, 2013 | by Brian Moreno

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This Week In News

Feb 18^th and the week could not be funnier….

The “Jeselnik Offensive” premiered Wednesday on Comedy Central. The New York Times reviewed the show as, “Not terrible or good, but Holy Shit we have never seen such a big smile matched up with such murderous eyes. He is approximately ten years and two DUI’s away from a Gary Busey crazy eyeball. His death gaze made our Snuggie uncomfortable.”

Clive Davis the famous hit maker and Chief Creative Officer at Sony Records released his biography this week “The Soundtrack of My Life”. Davis has had enormous success over 50 years as an executive with Columbia, Arista, BMG, J Records and Sony. The book is filled with great stories and a shocking revelation that since the end of his second marriage in 1985, he has had two long term sexual relationships with men. He also notes this is not a big deal because two disastrous marriages are enough to turn anyone gay.

In a robbery straight out the of the movies, brazen jewel thieves at Brussels Airport stole $50 Million in diamonds off a Swiss Air flight minutes before takeoff. This is the 5^th largest jewelry heist of all time bumping Lindsay Lohan’s cumulative jewelry theft total down to 6^thplace on this exclusive list.

Edward Furlong, the kid from “Terminator 2” and “American History X”, has found himself in jail again. The former child star violated a restraining order put by his girlfriend, whom he has been arrested for beating on multiple occasions. Proving once again, if a futuristic society invents a time machine to send a robot version of Arnold Schwarzenegger back to save the world, make a better choice than putting the fate of everyone in Edward Furlong’s hands.

On Monday, Da’Quan Bowers, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive end, was arrested after a loaded handgun was found in his luggage at New York’s LaGuardia airport. Oddly enough, Bowers was visibly upset while being arrested due to his inability to comprehend the TSA’s policy against allowing his two gallon jug of muscle milk unto the flight.

On Wednesday, Silvio Berlusconi, the Prime Minister of Italy, was accused of trying to buy votes just days before Italy’s general election. Berlusconi said in response, “This is way better than when I bought that underage hooker, at least now I am trying to give everyone a piece of the action”

Today is my birthday and I want to thank all those who support me in my endless journey into madness…be merry and keep laughing…

About the Author

Brian Moreno is a writer, comedian and actor in LA. Brian has appeared on the shows “Antique Roadshow” and '”Deadliest Catch - Lake Michigan Edition”.

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