1. Comics don’t read scripts in public. In LA, we’ve all seen actors reading scripts in public, especially at Starbucks, the gym, and restaurants. Gimme a break. Once I was at the famed Roosevelt Hotel because I had a buddy in town staying there and I saw a douche bag waist deep in the pool reading a script. I did a cannonball in his direction just to soak his script. What a dick he was.

2. Comedy clubs are way cooler than regular clubs where actors hang out. We’ve all been, or tried to go to some hot club with a velvet rope and some dick doorman dressed in black not letting anyone in. That dude is an actor and so are all the douches inside who are wannabe’s in Hollywood. Drinks are crazy expensive and everyone just looks around in hopes to see someone famous. All dicks. Comedy clubs are fun. You laugh, your date laughs, you get drunk. You may even see someone famous actually perform.

3. Comics are cooler people to each other than actors. Comics are, for the most part, cool to each other and realize that they are all in it together. There are douche comics, but not as many as actors. I walked into a commercial audition for Miller Lite and every guy was sitting there stone faced like they were the next Daniel Day Lewis. Fuck off.

4. Comics do it every night. Comics are on stage nightly trying to make people laugh. Actors go to one audition a month and say they are doing things for their career, then sit on the couch and play video games and smoke pot.

5. Comic chicks are way cooler than actresses. Jesus what’s with the ultra thin, hippie chicks who are on some TV show, go eat a sandwich. And take an acting class too. Comic chicks just seem cooler, maybe its me.

6. Comics have better meltdowns, look at Katt Williams. Actors just overdose. At least give us a show before you go. The exception is Lindsey Lohan. Rock on bitch.

7. Comics make funnier movies. Period. And sit-coms

8. Comics don’t care what they look like. Every actor is trying to look like James Dean. All these Bieber looking dudes and Zooey Deschanel wannabe chicks. WTF?

9. Comics never take their shirts off. Flip through any mag and there are tons of pics of douche actors running on the beach shirtless. Someone trip them please. Or on vacation. Try working and leave St-Barts to Jay Z.

10. Marilyn Monroe said, “Make a girl laugh and you can make her do anything”. I bet they don’t teach that at the Actors Studio.

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is a stand up comedian located in Los Angeles, CA

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