• Kim Kardashian is reportedly set to rent out an entire hospital floor in Los Angeles for her delivery.  The Center for Disease Control ordered her to give birth at the zoo, but compromised with a full floor quarantine of a hospital. Apparently the ultrasound has reminded doctors of the movie “Splice”.
  • In response Khloe Kardashian announced the zoo would be the ideal birthplace for any children she may give birth to. 
  • Kim K’s room will be totally sound-proofed before the delivery in preparation that the child has already learned to bitch and moan like its parents.   
  • Perez Hitlon is now a father – In an interview with the LA Times about being a new dad Perez said, “The other day I locked myself in the bathroom and started crying because in addition to my brain feeling loopy, I really have felt super hormonal and emotional.” …It was later explained to him that had nothing to do with fatherhood… that was just his homosexuality acting up.      
  • Bernard Hopkins, who is 48 and has been fighting professionally for 25 years, scored a unanimous-decision victory against Tavoris Cloud to win a light heavyweight world title for the third time. Shortly after the fight Hopkins was quoted in an interview as saying, “I am excited for my upcoming fight against Tavoris Cloud, whoever said boxers can’t fight forever was mistaken. Now can someone tell me where this big gold belt came from?”
  • A 47-year-old Michigan woman developed a bone disease rarely seen in the U.S. after she drank a pitcher of tea made from at least 100 tea bags daily, for 17 years, researchers report.  Cosco immediately discontinued their “buy one get one free” sale on pallet sized Lipton boxes.  
  • Following a news story on the 700 Club about the Profitable Sunrise investment scam, televangelist Pat Robertson told viewers to beware of “scamsters in religious garb quoting the Bible, I mean run from them.” For those of you not familiar with Pat Robertson, from the Christian Broadcast Network, he is so confused and old enough to actually believe he went to the same elementary school as Jesus.
  • Cops found a $220,000 Lamborghini Murcielago with huge dents in its front-end and rear driver’s side  abandoned on the side of a road in La Jolla, California, Monday night. Documents inside revealed the Lamborghini had only been bought hours before from a dealership in Newport Beach.  But like they always say in Orange County… “If you wreck your Lamborghini, just have your helicopter come pick you up. The police are better Valets than the ones at the yacht club.”
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is a writer, comedian and actor in LA. Brian has appeared on the shows “Antique Roadshow” and '”Deadliest Catch - Lake Michigan Edition”.

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